Regrets
Tyler's having a bro night tonight with his brothers. And I am deep in thought..so here goes.
I have regrets.
I probably shouldn't because well, I was young.
I was once a dramatic teenager. I let things get to me. A lot.
I wish, probably too often, that I could send a letter to my 16 year old self.
Because my 16 year old self had a lot to learn.
She let people walk all over her. Play games with her heart.
But I am a QUEEN of "what if."
what if.what if.what if.what if.what if.what if.what if??
It's a curse.
I should cut myself some slack.
I just don't want Halli or any of my daughters making the same mistakes I did. But it's life and I should just accept it. I ended up okay. More than okay and if they do too then that's the best thing I could ask for.
I guess i just needed to get it out..thanks for listening =)
I have regrets.
I probably shouldn't because well, I was young.
I was once a dramatic teenager. I let things get to me. A lot.
I wish, probably too often, that I could send a letter to my 16 year old self.
Because my 16 year old self had a lot to learn.
She let people walk all over her. Play games with her heart.
She let her best friend slip through the cracks because she wasn't able to be a good example to her. She didn't know it at the time...but years later she realized. And it's the biggest haunt of all.
She slacked and didn't get as good of grades as she could've.
She didn't know what a savings account was.
She didn't know what a savings account was.
She failed her drivers license test 2 times for not paying enough attention.
At times she forgot what was really important in life:
her family. her religion. her grades. her savings. her self respect.
She wasn't the big sister she needed to be.
She didn't think about the big picture.
She dated an amazing boy who she often dreamed of marrying. Little did she know the dream would actually come true after much learning, growing, heartbreak and self discovery. They grew together and I wouldn't change a thing about it. Because it brings me to where I am today.
And that's what is important.
But I am a QUEEN of "what if."
what if.what if.what if.what if.what if.what if.what if??
It's a curse.
I should cut myself some slack.
I just don't want Halli or any of my daughters making the same mistakes I did. But it's life and I should just accept it. I ended up okay. More than okay and if they do too then that's the best thing I could ask for.
And if your daughters (or sons) start making dumb mistakes, it will hurt, but you have to let them make their own choices or they won't learn. It's a very fine line you will walk as a parent. Too strict? Too lenient? So thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who is always there for us. (And our children!)
ReplyDeleteLove you, Annie!
Oh my goodness. Can you read my thoughts because everything, and i mean EVERYTHING, you said is exactly how I feel when I think about my younger self too. I beat myself up all.the.time that I wasn't a good enough friend/student/girlfriend/sister/daughter, that I didn't stick up for myself enough, that I was mean to people I really care about, that I cared too much about boys.. ha. Seriously this was like reading something from my journal {if I kept one}. I have even thought about writing a post just like this some day. Thank you so much for being so honest and open. It makes me feel so much better that I am not alone in these thoughts and that I'm not the only one that struggles with the "I have no regrets in my life" mentality. I'm jealous of people that can say that... This is a long comment but seriously thank you :)
ReplyDeleteHow I love you my dear Annie! You are a blessing to so many, especially my son and beautiful Granddaughter. Your future children will call you blessed. Thanks for all you do. Love, Mom
ReplyDeleteI completely feel like I beat myself up all the time. I think it's part of being a woman. Plus, that's what the atonement is for is because no one is perfect. I try and learn from my mistakes and it sounds like you do too and that's all we're asked to do. Thanks for sharing and reminding me that I'm not the only one that is hard on myself.
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