My life now.

disclaimer: I am going to sound like a wimp to all you mothers of 3 or more but just remember when you had #2. Thanks =)

I have started and stopped, re-written and edited this post countless times.  Not only is this a big post full of pictures since Hayden's been home, but I just can't quite seem to write what I want to write without sounding unhappy? Ungrateful? Whiney? Well just know i'm not trying to sound like any of these things. Just wanting to update you all on my life now. A life with two beautiful girlies and everything that comes along with that.
After Halli was born I blogged about her every month with pictures and updates galore. That is not going to happen this time. Things were much easier back then..not that i'm not grateful and happy to be a mom of 2 but it's been a bit of an adjustment for sure.

I am not good with change no matter how necessary or wanted the change is. I think that is why I have struggled at first after each of my two girl's births. The changes brought on by having a newborn are massive no matter what child. {And post-partum hormones do not help at all.}
With Halli, being up at all hours of the night was definitely not fun but more manageable because I would just sleep in with her and sleep when she slept.
This time with Hayden however, I have a limited time to sleep. It was rather depressing watching the minutes tick by throughout the night as I was up with Hayden knowing I had to be up when Halli awoke. It didn't help that Halli seemed to start waking up earlier and earlier after Hayden was born either. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day the first time I had to do it alone after my mom left and Tyler went to work. Hayden had just gotten back to sleep at 6 and Halli woke up screaming at 7. I thought for sure I wouldn't be able to do this and that there was NO WAY I was having more kids.
I wouldn't say each day got easier and easier but that I started to learn how to handle the challenges and new demands better with each passing day.
I have read 6 books since Hayden has been here because it is my escape. Something I look forward to doing even when I have a screaming baby at 1 am. {in case you're curious, i've become obsessed with Cassandra Clare and all her books some of which are: The Mortal Instruments(City Of Bones) series, The Infernal Devices (Clockwork series)}
I am finally starting to feel back to normal again which is why it's the right time to post an update on my blog.

My last blog post was really positive and i'm glad for that. After Halli was born I had a really hard time the first few weeks even month. This time I thought that I would forgo the baby blues and yucky hormonal gunk that comes with a newborn because hey i'd done it before.
Not so lucky.
Yea I had taken care of a newborn before, but a newborn and a toddler? Nope never done that before.
Hayden by herself would be a relatively easy baby. But Hayden with Halli makes things a little more challenging.
When Halli came home from her grandma's is when my hormones hit the fan so to say haha.
I can't tell you which child is more of an adjustment. I had thought for sure child #1 but child #2 brought a new set of challenges. Like hardly ever having time to myself! Haha. That wonderful, looked forward to, definite time that I knew I had after Halli went down to bed where I had hours to do my own thing-GONE. Halli's been sleeping through the night for a year and a half now. Kind of a long enough time to get used to having my nights back to myself.
I knew that it would be tough taking care of a newborn and a toddler which are not easy things to do in and by themselves let alone at the same time! But I just didn't know how tough and how I would be able to deal.

Being a mother is by far the hardest thing i've ever done and sometimes I wonder if i'm really cut out for it. I've never been more tested in my life! There were some days I didn't even recognize my life or myself anymore. It's been a weird transition. I don't want to discourage my mommy friends who are expecting #2 because they are probably stronger moms and people than I am. But for me, nothing could've prepared me for the hardships that I have had with this new chapter in the last 2 months. I can't believe I ever thought taking care of just Halli was hard. Now I go to the store with just Halli and am grateful that Tyler is at home with Hayden. Having a cart full of a car seat and a toddler is stressful and i'm playing Tetris trying to fit all the groceries!

My first grocery trip by myself as a mother of 2. 

It looks like Halli senses my anxiety haha. It was thankfully uneventful but I was so relieved when it was over.

Hayden really is a sweetheart but there were times when she really wasn't. I read that babies have a babymoon stage for the first two weeks. Then they start to "wake up" a bit more and realize that they don't really like being out of the womb so much. That rings true for little miss Hayden. After weeks of her not sleeping, waking prematurely from her nap, crying after every feeding, spitting up, {making us crazy people} we took her in at 6 weeks to get her tested for reflux. She had gone down 15% in her weight percentile since her 2 week appt so they put her on ranitidine(zantac) which has helped because she actually sleeps now.

I am very thankful for the things she is great at like breastfeeding, sleeping in her car seat, and lately being content when I set her down in her bouncer or swing, and getting herself to sleep in the swing and at night sleeping 4 consecutive hours(most nights not all). Once she went 5 hours and it hasn't happened again but she is doing better! Evenings have proved to be the hardest part of the day because for whatever reason Hayden will not nap/sleep and just cries. Unless we put her in her car seat. She loves that car seat of hers. Her crying spells sometimes last until almost midnight and that's when she'll go down and sleep 4+ hours. Go figure.
Shout out to our awesome neighbors who are letting us borrow their swings! Just like her sister, Hayden loves the swing. But I don't stress about it as much as I did with Halli. Sleep is sleep!

Halli loves her baby sissy and hasn't acted out against her since those first couple weeks of adjustment. For a while in the morning Halli would cry and throw a fit every time I would have to go get Hayden whenever she'd wake up.
Okay story time:
It was the very first morning since Halli had come back and my Mom was staying with us. Tyler had Hayden laying on his lap and of course Halli started throwing a tantrum cause she wanted to sit on Daddy's lap. Well out of nowhere she grabs Hayden's arm and tried to yank her off his lap. We were able to grab Hayden and stop Halli before any damage had been done but oh I was so upset and hormonal that I broke down crying. It was at that moment that I had the realization that this was going to be a lot more tough than I thought.

But since then, she really she is the best older sister to Hayden and gives her hugs and kisses all day long. Now she gets excited every morning when she sees Hayden. Hayden is usually still sleeping when Halli wakes up and Halli whispers "baby hayden sleeping" when we pass the door to our bedroom. And then when Hayden wakes up, Halli squeals and runs in the room with me to say "hi baby Hayden!(or baby sissy!)" Then insists that she holds Hayden on the couch before I feed her.

story behind Hayden's name:

I realize I didn't really talk about Hayden's name in her birth story. 

I knew few things after I found out I was having a girl.

 #1 that I wanted at least one family name in there somewhere. Halli's middle name is Ann after moi. I am named after my ancestor Ann Quayle Cannon who was George Q. Cannon's mother. But my parents decided to nickname me Annie Q. from birth.

#2 That I wanted it to go with Halli's name, maybe even start with the same letter. I had an awesome baby book loaned to me by a friend. When I got to the H section I was immediately taken with 3 H names. Tyler's favorite out of the 3 was Hayden so that solidified it for me. If we have another girl we already know what her name will be and yes it starts with an H. Once I had the name, I could start thinking of middle names. My Grandma's name is Rose and my mom's middle name is Rose. Plus it sounded great with Hayden. Voila!

Now to catch up on pictures...oh boy.

First off here's the announcement we sent out made by my talented girlfriend Ashley @ Letters by Ashley Claire and taken by girlfriend Lizzie @ Lizzie Love Photography.  (You can see the rest of the pictures that were taken at the top of my blog)

front and back

Exactly two weeks after Hayden was born, Tyler's step bro Michael got married!

 Halli was upset because I took her away from her Aunt Megan for the picture. Oh poor Halli haha.

 trying to get a pic of all the grandkids!

This one cracks me up =)

celebrated my birthday with my favorite food! Sushi!

My little bro is a sushi chef and he made me a birthday dessert =)

My actual birthday was on a Sunday and my mom had been staying with us all week so she cooked my favorite dinner for my whole family who drove down =)

 My grandparents first time meeting Hayden.

4 generations photo =)

4 generations with Halli.

Family of 4. I still kinda can't believe it.

Hayden at 2 weeks.

7 lbs 9 oz 25%

length: 19.7 in 22%

head: 35.5 cm 54%

 Hayden was blessed on August 3rd so that my sister could attend. They were visiting for the summer.

Hayden is wearing the dress I was blessed in =)

 My little bro getting some Hayden snuggles. 

4 generations again =)

seeing how she liked the pack n play. We even bought a wedge but she never slept more than a half hour in it.

Halli helping with baths. 

I tried taking a picture of what lunch looked like. This was before we had a swing and Hayden didn't enjoy being put down for more than a few mins. 

sister tummy time!

Miraculously I made cookies one night and yes I let Halli lick the beater. 

I felt bad that I wasn't capturing as many pictures of Hayden as I had been when Halli was a newborn so I snapped this pic.

Halli's second dentist appointment went 10x better than her first! She is watching Finding Nemo =)

Getting out of the house for once.

Her eyes crack me up. 

looking at gorgeous houses and playing at this park in the middle of all of them. 

Looked over at Halli to see this. She loves her Aden and Anais blankets.

outside playing and as usual these days, I wasn't paying super close attention to Halli and she took advantage of it by rolling in the dirt.

Went to the a little fair going on in Provo. 

Halli loved it and was a bit upset when we didn't let her ride all the rides =)

examples of Halli loving on Hayden.

Decided to give them a bath in the kitchen sink. Halli thought it was so fun! Although it wasn't really a bath for her just getting wet and playing with the water.

My Grandma Rosie's birthday

Me and My cousin Jenessa.

 Jen is 3 days older than me.

Here we are holding Halli on the 4th of July 2012.

My little brother Alex came down for a day to help me out and spend time with his nieces. He is the best Uncle to those girls!

first time using a double stroller!

gorgeous Sunday stroll through a cemetery...

My 3 loves. Excuse Halli's immodesty haha.

My girlfriend Mickelle and I doing some Labor Day Shopping...

while the hubby's watched the kids haha

that hair though...

Play catch baby sissy!

The Utah Fair with some friends was a blast and the best way to end the Summer. 

This was an adorable little kid farm and Halli immediately knew what to do when she saw this cow...haha.

haha!

 Halli had the time of her life! =)

Halli had some crazy bed head after her nap.

Her favorite place now.

Hayden's two month check up

9 lbs 7.5 oz 8%

length: 21.5 in 11%

head: 37.5 cm 26%

Smiley girl!

Hayden's first pony tail!

 Oh Halli.

Alex wanted to go swimming with Halli on his birthday =) Halli had a blast!
She loves her Uncle Alex.

Finally caught Halli smiling while riding the carousel. She usually looks incredibly bored yet squeals and whines to ride the "horseys."

Just took this picture today and love it!

Hayden's hair will not stay down for the life of me! It sticks straight up!

Some fun videos as of late

Halli knows her whole abc song and letters and numbers up into the teens! She is out smarty pants little girly.

Cannot wait to experience Halloween with Halli this year! She is obsessed with pumpkins and "jack-o-lanterns" so cute. Can't wait to show her how amazing Halloween is!